Sexuality is an important part of being human and it’s different for everyone. It includes sexual feelings and attractions, thoughts, preferences and behaviours. Sexuality is influenced by many things. For example, your physical and emotional health, life experiences, cultural background and religious beliefs.
Learn more about sex and sexuality, including sexual and gender diversity, things that can influence your ideas about sex and where to find more information.
What is sex?
Different types of sex
Why do we have sex?
Commonly used sex terms
What is sexuality?
What can influence your ideas about sex?
More information and support
Sex is any activity that one or more people do to feel sexually excited. Sex is broader than sexual intercourse (penetrative sex). It can involve touching, kissing or even talking. Sex should be enjoyable for everyone involved. And everyone should agree or consent to the sexual activity.
There are many different types of sex. Some of the more common types include:
Sex is a natural and important part of the human lifecycle. It’s how we reproduce. But most people have sex because it feels good, especially if it’s with someone you are attracted to and care about. Many things can affect your experience of sex, for example:
It can take time to figure out what you like during sex. That’s okay! The path to sexual pleasure is different for everyone. Learn more about how to have an enjoyable sex life.
There are many terms used to describe sex in all its forms. Below are some of the more commonly used terms.
Foreplay includes all the things you do by yourself or with your partner to get aroused before sex. It can include kissing, touching, massaging, licking and sucking. You can explore different things that make you and your partner feel good.
Masturbation is when you touch yourself for sexual pleasure. This is a healthy and normal thing to do, whether you’re sexually active with other people or not.
Your sex drive is your desire to be sexual with others or by yourself. It’s normal for your sex drive to go up and down at different times in your life.
Arousal is your physical response to sex or sexual thoughts. When you feel aroused, more blood flows to the genitals, causing the labia, clitoris and upper vagina to swell. Sexual arousal increases vaginal lubrication to help get you ready for sex. Your vagina also expands and there is an increase in your heart rate and blood pressure.
Orgasm (climax) is when you reach the peak of sexual excitement. It’s also known as ‘coming’. When this happens, your body releases all the tension and excitement that has been building up.
Your heart may race and your breathing can become heavier and quicker. The muscles in your body, including your vagina, might spasm. You might also feel intense pleasure around your genitals. Some people have increased clitoral sensitivity after an orgasm.
You may feel contraction-like pulses in your abdominal area. This might be a little uncomfortable.
During orgasm, lots of feel-good chemicals (endorphins) are released. This might make you feel warm, happy and sleepy afterwards.
Males usually ejaculate (eject) fluid called ‘semen’ when they orgasm. But females can also ejaculate fluid, which helps with lubrication.
You can orgasm with partners, or by yourself through masturbation.
Orgasms are good for you. The hormones involved can improve your blood pressure and mood.
Not every woman has an orgasm each time they have sex. Some women have very subtle orgasms or find it hard to orgasm (anorgasmia) but they may still enjoy the intimate experience.
Sexuality is about your sexual thoughts and feelings. You might find different people physically or emotionally attractive. It’s normal to have sexual thoughts or daydreams at different times.
Your sexuality is an important part of who you are. It can be an exciting experience to discover and start exploring your sexuality.
Before we explore sexuality in more detail, it’s important to understand the difference between sex and gender.
Sex refers to the female or male genitals you are born with. These physical differences are due to genes that cause the body to develop in a certain way.
The sex you are assigned at birth is also known as ‘presumed sex’.
Gender means characteristics, behaviours and roles that societies understand to be female or male.
Your gender identity is how you feel about your gender. Your sex and gender identity do not have to be the same. For example, a person may be presumed female at birth but identify as a boy or man.
Gender identity is different for everyone. Some people think of their gender as female, male or both female and male. Others choose not to define their gender. Gender identity can also change. This is called being ‘gender-fluid’.
Sexual orientation is who you are attracted to. For example, you may be attracted to the opposite sex or gender (heterosexual) or you may be part of the LGBTQIA+ community, which includes people with diverse sexualities, genders and sex characteristics (physical features relating to sex).
Some people know their sexual orientation from the get-go. Others take time to figure it out. When you start to discover your sexuality, you don’t have to choose a ‘label’. The only thing that matters is that you are comfortable with your own sexuality.
LGBTQIA+ is an acronym that stands for:
Lesbian
A lesbian is generally a woman who is attracted to other women.
Gay
A gay (homosexual) person is attracted to people of the same gender as themselves.
Bisexual
A bisexual person is attracted to people of their own gender and other genders.
Transgender
Transgender means a person’s gender doesn’t align with their presumed sex at birth.
Queer
The term ‘queer’ may be used to describe diverse genders and sexualities.
Questioning
Questioning means a person is still questioning or deciding their gender or sexuality.
Intersex
Some people are born with genitals that are not defined as exclusively ‘male’ or ‘female’. This is called ‘intersex’.
Asexual
An asexual person has little or no sexual attraction to others.
Plus (+)
Plus refers to people with diverse sexual identities who don’t identify with the above terms but consider themselves to be part of the LGBTQIA community.
Learn more about sex and gender on the following websites:
A healthy sexuality is important for your overall health and wellbeing. It’s also a human right. You have the right to:
There are many ways to have a healthy sexuality throughout your life. For example, you can:
There are many things that can influence your ideas about sex.
Pornography (porn) is material that is used for sexual arousal. It includes videos, films, photographs, drawings and writing. Porn is easy to find on the internet, in films and in magazines. It can include nudity, different types of sexual activity and even sexual violence.
Porn can normalise unsafe vaginal and anal sex. Sometimes porn includes sexual violence, which may have an influence on violence against women.
Research shows that porn can negatively impact your sexuality. It’s often the main source of sex education for young people and this can lead to unrealistic expectations about sex. This can result in bad sexual experiences and may even cause anxiety and fear about sex.
Many people enjoy watching porn alone or with others and that’s okay. But it’s important to understand that porn is staged sex and it doesn’t usually reflect real life.
The media can also influence your sexuality and self-image. The way sex is shown on TV and in magazines, social media, the movies and advertising can be unrealistic. Women are often portrayed in a sexualised way. And the media rarely reflects the diversity in our community, for example, different cultures, ages, genders, sexualities, abilities and body shapes.
TV and movies make sex seem effortless and perfect. These unrealistic scenes can make your real-life sexual experiences seem disappointing. In real life, it's normal for sex to be awkward, messy and even funny.
It’s easy to compare your own sex life to what you see in the media. But of course the media doesn’t show the pressures and reality of everyday life and how that can affect your sexual experiences.
It helps to put things into perspective. Remember, much of what you see in the media is about selling products and services. It’s not real.
When women feel positive about their body and genitals (reproductive organs), it can have a positive impact on their sexuality. Female genitals vary in size, shape, length and colour. But images seen online are often heavily edited to make the vulva look symmetrical and childlike. This causes many women to think they have abnormal genitals.
But guess what? Your genitals are perfectly fine exactly as they are. Check out the Labia Library online resource to see realistic images of female genitals and remind yourself that everyone is different.
Sex education is taught in schools across Australia but the information may not be inclusive or relevant for some young people (e.g. people with disabilities or people who identify as LGBTQIA+).
Research suggests that when young people are taught a range of sexual health topics across different grades and subject areas, it may lead to improved sexual, social, health and academic outcomes.
Your ideas about sex can be shaped by how it was spoken about (or not) in your family. Early experiences and experimentation can also affect how you think about sex.
You can get more information about sexuality and sexual health from your doctor or a counsellor. You can also visit these websites:
This content has been reviewed by a group of medical subject matter experts, including Sexual Health Victoria.
© Jean Hailes Foundation. All rights reserved.
